Red flags in a relationship are warning signals that indicate that some things are off.
The ability to detect this on time saves you from the stress of heartache because it helps you to take a step back and analyse the situation at hand.
When you identify red flags on time, you will need to answer questions like:
Why is this person this way?
Is there something I can do to help them stop these red flag tendencies?
Am I overreacting?
Can I put up with this behaviour, should they refuse to change?
When you answer these questions, it will help you make informed decisions on whether to continue the relationship or not.
So, here are three common red flags to watch out for in a relationship.
Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
- Stinginess
Giving is an act of love and no matter how anyone tries to justify their stinginess in a relationship, it is just unacceptable.
A stingy person has no reason being in a relationship; it is an unfair advantage to their partner especially if their partner gives freely.
When you truly love someone, giving comes naturally because you wouldn’t want to withhold kind acts from your partner. Little wonder it is a love language.
Take for instance, you are in a shopping mall buying nice stuff for yourself, then you see a t-shirt that your partner would love, what comes to your mind?
Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
Giving makes you excited about your partner’s birthday and other special days in your relationship because it is another opportunity to show kindness.
Paying for dates should come easy and not be tilted towards your partner alone.
You shouldn’t feel too comfortable receiving every time either; while your partner does all the giving, No.
When it comes to giving in a relationship, I believe there should be a healthy competition on who gives more between both parties without breaking the bank.
Stinginess is a red flag in a relationship and the person exhibiting such may end up leaving a bitter taste in the mouth of their partner.
- Violence
Though the most common type of violence is physical abuse, emotional abuse is also a red flag in a relationship.
Most people don’t really pay attention to the latter because the results are not evident like physical abuse, but that doesn’t make it tolerable.
Emotional abuse comes in different forms but the three easy-to-spot symptoms are verbal abuse, rejection, and gaslighting.
Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
Verbal abuse means using negative words to talk down on your partner, invariably making them feel less of themselves.
In most cases, when a victim of verbal abuse eventually leaves that kind of relationship, their self-esteem has already taken such a plunge and needs conscious work to build it up again.
You know why?
They have spent months or years hearing someone they love tell them that they are not worthy of love, and other denigrating remarks that have formed a wrong image in their mind.
This is why you should never remain with someone who constantly puts you down with their words. There may not be physical bruises to show for it, but the consequences are equally as devastating.
Rejection happens when a partner constantly turns down the opinions, kind gestures, and ideas of their significant order deliberately to hurt them.
When someone is used to their thoughts, opinions, and kind gestures being rejected all the time, they withdraw.
They stop making an attempt to be good or do something good for the relationship because there is an underlying fear that nothing they do is worthy of acceptance.
A relationship is supposed to make you bloom like a flower in its prime and not cower like a defeated soldier in a battlefield.
If a lover does the latter to you, then it is a red flag in the relationship and should be discussed at first (if the person is open to discussion) before you make a decision.
Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
Gaslighting. The first time I heard this word, I was really fascinated that I had to do some reading.
Gaslighting is when a cunning partner makes you doubt your feelings, thoughts, and even sanity, by manipulating the truth.
A ‘gaslighter’ makes you apologize for the wrongs they did to you. They are so skilled at this terrible behavior that if you are not careful, you’ll accept it as normal and carry it on to the next relationship if you ever leave that gaslighted relationship.
Any form of violence is a red flag in a relationship and I strongly discourage them.
Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
- Obsession with their Ex
There is a thin line between keeping tabs on someone and obsessing over them.
The truth is, some people do not completely get over their ex before starting a new relationship and that is why they always go back!
When you have a partner who is always gushing about something their ex did or said, then you might need to first point their attention toward this red flag they’re waving.
If you bring the issue up and they try to manipulate you into thinking that you are insecure and do not trust them, then that’s gaslighting just like I mentioned earlier.
The funny part is, most people who usually do this cannot take half of what they dish.
Talmbout, ‘you have to choose between me and your ex’
‘I think we need a break to help you decide if you want to remain in this relationship or go back to your ex’ – possibly an ex that has permanently moved on.
Now, I am not saying, ‘don’t talk to your ex’, but just like the first line of this point says, obsession is unacceptable.
When you continually rub the ‘awesomeness‘ of your ex in the face of your current partner, how do you expect them to feel?
If your ex was so awesome, why did you leave them then?
Why not stay or better still, return to sustain the undying flame?
This obsession starts out as seemingly harmless remarks before it evolves into full-blown comparison and this, my friend, is a red flag in a relationship – a billboard-sized flag that is flying dangerously high in the sky for all to see.
While there are other red flags to watch out for in a relationship, I have decided to dwell on these three as they are the most common.
Over to you, what are other red flags in a relationship?
Please, share with me in the comments section.
Read Also: Should Tribal Differences Matter In A Relationship?
I agree with every one of them ,it’s not possible to get a perfect human being
But when the other person is willing to improve..it can go. Long way
Exactly!
We grow daily if we are open to growth.
Thanks, Gbeminiyi
Well noted points.
Thank you, my favourite married woman.
I was just having the conversation the other day.
Someone doesn’t want to let go of his ex just like that. Because their break up was because of parents and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.
Girl, if you don’t geddihek out of that man’s front!
Mehn…Break up hurts but since the relationship has been declared overdue to parental influence and you can’t challenge them, it’s time to meeeeuve.
Hmm,it is this gaslightning that still surprises me, more among all the listed red flag,I have come across a friend of mine that usually disguise this character, it is when you offend him that he will reflect this trait, I almost called this character another name sha.
But anyway no one is perfect Sha,but we can also make ourself perfect to whosoever we are have that natural attraction with.
Yes, no one is perfect.
But willingness and openness to change make all the difference.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Esther.
Perfect .
Thank you, Boss.