Heartbreaks are one of the worst occurrences anyone could ever experience.
If you have experienced one before, you will agree with me that heartbreak can make you wake up suddenly at midnight and begin to mop the wall or wash the fridge.
To get over a heartbreak, some people binge on junk food, others may prefer listening to heartbreak songs, a change of environment, shopping, crying a bucket of tears, rebound dating, or taking revenge.
If you are planning on taking revenge on your ex, I am here for you because it’s my favourite option as well.
In this comic post, I have listed 6 ways to get revenge on your ex for hurting you.
Grab your lemonade and follow me.
Block them on the road:
Before you do this, you must have conducted a stalking exercise to know the routes that your ex takes everyday.
To get started on this revenge mission, you will be needing binoculars to view your ex from the rooftops, black clothes and shades to conceal your identity, a professional camera to capture the shots just like you see in movies and a car to follow them from a distance.
Once you have confirmed their regular routes, choose a day that works for you. Weekdays are better options because they might be home during weekends.
You don’t need to wear concealing clothes this time around, let them see your full face and also know that you mean revenge.
When you spot your ex approaching, stand in the middle of the road with your hands akimbo while tapping your right feet on the ground in readiness for a confrontation.
For ladies, make sure you have packed your hair up. And if you are a guy, roll your sleeves and tighten your belt.
Call your ex’s name loud enough for passers-by to hear and tell them they are going nowhere! Revenge has come!
They will beg you, but don’t listen!
They may threaten you but no shaking!
Eventually, if they try to escape, give them smack down and run away.
To be continued the next day.
Call and text them at least 87 times daily:
Since your ex has chosen to break your heart, then you should also deprive them of peace by bombarding them with calls and messages.
You will need new sim cards so that you don’t give your identity away.
Buy at least eighty, with one sim card dedicated to every day of the week.
Before making the calls, you have to eat first because it’s not gonna be easy calling and texting them eighty seven times every day. So, you will be needing that strength.
With their phones ringing off the hook, your ex won’t be able to concentrate at work.
When your ex pick your calls, don’t say anything, just breathe in and breathe out. It is a breathing competition.
If your ex blocks that number, use the next sim card until they have blocked all your revenge lines.
Does that mean you should stop your revenge calls? No.
Proceed to send them eighty-seven revenge mails per day.
At this stage, your ex will be begging you for forgiveness.
Put their number on eCommerce sites.
Since your ex has blocked your number and email address and you can no longer reach them, let other people take your revenge mission from there.
The best way to do this is by putting your ex’s number on eCommerce sites for hot deals like:
iPhone 11 for ₦19,800
Duplex in Banana Island for ₦24,499
Private jet for ₦49,999
G Wagon for ₦67,999
MacBook for ₦14,999
Once you have posted this, just buy ten packs of popcorn, recline on your couch and start munching while watching your favourite movie.
Your Ex will become a customer care agent in no time, thanks to you!
Haunt them in their dreams:
Nightmares is another revenge tactic that you can use to teach your ex a lesson.
To do this, you need to buy white and red cloth to cover your loins and chest, a piece of chalk to paint your face, mashed brown powder colour two, black charcoal to paint your teeth, an energy drink, a broom to pursue your ex, and cackling for special effects.
All you need to do is sneak into your ex’s house through the fence. Take a megaphone with you and hide behind their window till they fall asleep.
Call their name twenty-eight times with a megaphone. Ensure you add the ‘ooooooo’ at the end of each mention, then blow the powder through their window.
Don’t worry about being caught, their neighbours are heavy sleepers and will not hear you.
Then, go home and sleep with the broom in your right hand and the energy drink in your left.
Once you close your eyes, the next thing you will realise is you are in their dreams chasing your ex with the broom.
The energy drink is to supplement your energy when you get tired of running.
Rinse and repeat every night until they come begging for forgiveness.
Don’t thank me; thank my many years of practice.
Press their doorbell and run away: this revenge tactic has been proved to grate people’s nerves.
If your ex doesn’t have a doorbell, buy one for them and send it via a dispatch rider as anonymous.
They will receive the revenge gift with happiness and affix the doorbell to their entrance.
Once you have confirmed this, wait till night before carrying out this tactical mission.
Ensure that you wear the right kind of clothing for this mission. A tight-fitting t-shirt and trousers will do in case they catch you on your 15th attempt so that it will be easy for you to jump the fence before they call the police.
Once you are confident that all is set, get a ladder and scale the fence like a cat. Tiptoe to the doorbell and press it five times. When you hear footsteps approaching, hide behind the flowers.
If they don’t have flowers, just blend with the wall. Try this eighteen times every night until you are caught.
Relax, if the police arrests you, tell them you know me. They won’t release you but at least, you still know me.
When you are released, I will share other revenge tips with you. But for now, try these ones.
Do you know other revenge tips that work?
Share with me in the comment section.
Read Also: Should Your Friends Stop Talking To Your Ex?