How Are You Handling The Pressure To Get Married?

How are you handling the pressure to get married

A blue taxi pulled up in front of Kimberly’s house and she alighted.

Kimberly was dressed in a knee-length purple gown that accentuated her hourglass shape. She held a silver clutch purse in one hand and her heeled shoes in the other.

She had just attended the wedding of her best friend, Maries, and it was a fun-filled event.

As she got to the door of the apartment she shared with her parents, a sudden lump of dread developed in her throat and the reason for the fear was not far-fetched. Her mum!

Kimberly glanced at her wristwatch, the time was 5: 45 p.m. and she was certain that her mum would be in the living room watching television.

There was no way she would pass the living room without her mum asking her about her relationship life and topping it with “when will you marry?”.

The question always made her heart constrict in pain.

Of a truth, Kimberly was sick and tired of the marriage taunts.

The pressure was beginning to get to her and she was contemplating moving out of the house to get a place of her own even though her dad may not be happy about it.

Her past relationship with Raymond had been a huge mistake and she called it quits when he slapped her the third time in four months.

There was no way on earth that she would end up with such an abuser and despite his pleas with promises of “change”, Kimberly stood her ground and ended the relationship.

She glanced at her wristwatch again and contemplated going somewhere else to while away time till 9 p.m., but she couldn’t think of anywhere close.

Tired of standing at the door for too long, she exhaled deeply and decided to enter the house.

True to her predictions, her mum was right in the living room watching a soap opera when she walked in.

“Good evening, mummy” Kimberly greeted.

“Welcome, my dear.” Her mum replied. “How was the wedding?”

“It was very fine; I am a little bit tired and need to rest,” Kimberly replied quickly.

As she turned to leave, her mum’s voice stopped her.

Ehn ehn, Kimberly, you have attended your friend’s wedding, when will they attend your own?”

Kimberly closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, very typical of her mum to ask!

Before she could respond, her mum quickly added, “Or you don’t want to marry?”

Kimberly opened her eyes and turned to face her, “Mummy…”

“Don’t mummy me, you are clocking thirty in March, all your friends are now married. When will you?”

Kimberly stood at the spot,  speechless and hurt at the same time.

Though she knew her mum was concerned about her life, but the concern was becoming suffocating and the pressure was driving her nuts.

She needed to have ‘the talk’ with her mum and that time was now.

Kimberly walked to the opposite couch, dropped her bag on the floor, and sat down, her eyes never leaving her mum.

“Mum, we need to talk…” she began.

***

Kimberly’s story is a typical tale of pressure for singles, especially in Nigeria.

Asides trying to make a name and living for yourself as an adult, you will always be faced with the question of “when will you marry?” at every corner you turn.

If the question doesn’t come from your parents, your extended family will ask you at every chance they get, especially the ‘Aunties’.

How are you handling the pressure to get married

If you are lucky to have “understanding” family members who do not bug you with questions, then outsiders will take it up from there.

I’m referring to members of your religious organization, neighbours, and even friends.

Suffice to say, you cannot be single in peace without someone asking why.

They will always ask under the guise of ‘we are watching out for you’ which may be true or NOT.

If you are a single reading this, you should pat yourself on the back because you are doing a great job.

It’s not easy coping with the insensitive questions of marriage thrown at you at intervals without you having the urge to forget your fist in someone’s face.

How are you handling the pressure to get married

 

So, how do you handle the pressure to get married?

  1. By not putting pressure on yourself.

One of the greatest harm you can do to yourself is mounting unhealthy pressure on yourself to get married just because all your mates are getting married, or time is going, or you just want to settle down, or because you feel lonely, and other excuses that do not hold water.

How are you handling the pressure to get married

If you are calm within, external pressure will not get to you, but if you put unnecessary pressure on yourself, then pressure from others will worsen the situation. This can instigate you to make the wrong decisions, and trust me; you do not want that to happen.

 

  1. Accepting the obvious.

What is the obvious? People will ALWAYS ask, either out of concern or gossip.

Once you accept this reality, you won’t be shocked by the questions anymore; rather, you will always be prepared with a ready answer.

How are you handling the pressure to get married

Humans are investigative journalists by nature and are always curious about events happenings in the lives of other people.

So, it’s up to you if you want to answer their questions or not.

  1. Have a conversation with your parents about it.

Most times, parents do and say things with good intentions but with the WRONG APPROACH.

That doesn’t make them bad parents; it just means you have to make them see things from your perspective so you can be on the same page.

How are you handling the pressure to get married

We see it everywhere, even in movies, parents pressuring their children, especially daughters to marry irrespective of their children’s readiness or how they feel about marriage.

Just like Kimberly in the story above, having a conversation with your parents will help them change their approach and stop mounting pressure on you.

**

Dear single reading this, how have you been handling the pressure?

Talk to me in the comment section.

Dear married, how did you handle the pressure before you got married?

Do share with me in the comment section.

Read Also: Love At First Sight: A Sham or The Real Deal?

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All Comments

  • By not putting pressure on myself, I just don’t allow what pple say or what my parents says get to me. All I do is just focus

    Adetutu Oluwatayo February 19, 2021 10:03 am Reply
    • Way to go, Adetutu!

      Everything good will come to you.

      kemiclassico February 19, 2021 10:23 am Reply
  • Simply unbothered

    That’s my motto biko

    Mo ya lookaway mode always active

    Tife February 19, 2021 10:36 am Reply
  • I am a woman of war!! I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to ask intimate questions like “when are you getting married” it’s a total turn off, so I give it to them just as the spirit leads, and trust me,, the spirit is always full of war .. thanks for sharing these awesome tips..

    Becca February 19, 2021 12:02 pm Reply
    • Becca, please take it easy with us.
      Be a preacher of love once in a while.
      lol

      kemiclassico February 19, 2021 4:38 pm Reply
  • Thank you. It was veeeerrryy helpful. I enjoyed it.

    Ibukun February 19, 2021 2:02 pm Reply
  • No pressure Ooo…

    I don tell my family members if rice and chicken dey hungry dem I go order from Chicken Republic or The Place.

    Damilola February 19, 2021 4:55 pm Reply
  • Please what’s pressure like?
    Some of us untimely rushed into marriage!

    The Tory Teller February 19, 2021 8:41 pm Reply
    • lol. The pressure is inexistent for some and weighty for others.
      Depends on the person handling it.

      kemiclassico February 20, 2021 11:52 am Reply
  • Hahahahahah

    Becca February 20, 2021 7:08 am Reply
  • The easiest way to get through such pressure either from parents, family and friends or the society,just deafen your ears and toughen your skin.

    Psammie February 20, 2021 3:58 pm Reply
    • Very correct, Psammie.
      Thank you for sharing.

      kemiclassico February 22, 2021 1:43 pm Reply
  • Truth is…the pressure would always be there – it’s just probably different in levels.

    To handle the pressure, I always remind myself that, gbogbo wa lama he breakfast, asiko onikaluluku lo yato.

    Simply put, individuals time differs.

    Alaba Ademola Emmanuel February 21, 2021 7:35 pm Reply
    • True!
      Gbogbo wa lama je breakfast o!
      Thank you, Demola

      kemiclassico February 22, 2021 1:43 pm Reply
  • Wo, my parents have tire for me on this marriage matter, it’s the “aunties” and neighbours own in the matter that I don’t get.

    I’ve unlocked my unbothered mode since, nobody can pressure me no more.

    Love this!

    Bolaji Gelax February 22, 2021 12:43 pm Reply
    • I am glad you are no longer burdened by the pressure!
      Cheers to the beautiful future ahead.

      kemiclassico February 22, 2021 1:42 pm Reply
  • This is so beautiful to read because of how well it has been expressed. There is nothing that puts someone on pressure like being forced to marry at the time your not ready.

    The fact that Kimberly had an abusive relationship in the past, there was no way she could easily make up her mind to marry that soon irrespective of her mother’s pressure.
    I am personally going through the same situation as a boy child but I know when it’s comes to a lady, your seem to look like an abomination to people around you. Check my last week’s post on my blog and get to see my experience too

    Samuel Kato February 22, 2021 4:06 pm Reply
    • Thank you for this detailed submission, Samuel.
      I will definitely check your blog.

      kemiclassico February 22, 2021 4:41 pm Reply
  • I must be the luckiest girl alive. My parents have never asked me the question, yeah i get the pressure but it is mostly self imposed, looking at other girls my age getting married i can only imagine. But family? naaaaa. I am sure my parents respects me enough to trust me, knowing that they raised a good one and when the time is right, it will happen(sounds like i’m bragging right, well yeah never mind) But that is the way every parent should be though, i have friends whose parent tell them to go ahead and have children if the marriage is not forthcoming. Its a lot

    Juliana February 22, 2021 10:18 pm Reply
    • Juliana, I am so glad to hear that your parents are so understanding!
      God bless them.
      Stay away from pressure, everything good will come to you.

      kemiclassico February 23, 2021 2:03 pm Reply
  • This week, my mother sent my elder sister to me to enquire when I’d get married. My sister helped me give her the most appropriate answer to her question on my behalf. If your wàhálà is getting heavier than I can tolerate on top marriage matter, na to park for one side. Most times, people don’t even ask if one is interested in getting married; they just conclude and ask when you’re getting married ‍♂️

    Àbúrò Socrates February 23, 2021 10:49 pm Reply
    • Aburo Socrates, come and get a hug if you need one.
      Laslas, we will be fine.

      kemiclassico February 24, 2021 9:32 am Reply
  • My parents are not the problem o, thank God. It is the èkéyọfùrọ̀ mótò gbańdìí people I don’t get. I don’t know what gives them the audacity to be asking when someone would get married. Are they going to pay for it? Or sponsor the children when they start coming? Hisses

    Thank you for the spot on advice, jare!

    Oluwakemi February 24, 2021 1:23 pm Reply
    • Kemmmmiiii, ekeyo what?
      This is hilarious!
      Na motor go jam dem aprokos laslas if they do not take dressing.
      And yes, you’re welcome.

      kemiclassico February 25, 2021 10:31 am Reply

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