Should Age Difference Matter In A Relationship?

Should age difference matter in a relationship?

When Lanre met Fiona at a music concert some months back, he was convinced that he had met the woman of his dreams. She ticked every quality he desired in a woman – compassionate, loving, kind, and generous.

After surviving a past toxic relationship that almost tore him apart, Fiona came in the nick of time. She showed him the true love he had always yearned for and helped him heal.

Nine months into their relationship, they were having dinner at her place when their random conversation tilted towards marriage.

“So, how old are you?” Fiona asked.

Lanre took a sip from his glass of wine. “So, you don’t know my age and you are dating me, ehn?” he teased.

“I am serious, joor, I don’t know.” She replied. “Tell me now.”

“Why do you wanna know? Are you planning towards my birthday?”

She shook her head. “I’m just curious.”

He dropped his glass of wine on the table and reclined in his chair. “Okay, tell me yours first since you brought it up.”

“No, I asked first! So, tell me.” She insisted. “We have been dating for about nine months now and I don’t even know how old you are.”

“Because it doesn’t matter, babe.” He said.

She raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you curious?”

“Okay, Lanre, just tell me and let get this over with.” She said and scooped more rice in her mouth.

“I am 28.” He declared and sat upright to continue eating. “So, how old are you?”

Fiona froze. Her spoon was mid-air as she glared at him. “Y…You…You’re 28?”

“Yes, is there a problem with that?” he asked without looking up. He was busy trying to tear his piece of chicken that he didn’t realise that her countenance had changed.

She dropped her spoon and buried her face in her palms, thinking.

That moment, he looked up and saw her worried state. “Fiona, are you alright?”

There was no response from her at first which worried him. As he made to stand up, she interrupted him. “No, don’t do that. I am okay.”

“No, you are not.”

She exhaled deeply and looked up. “I will be 32 next month.”

“Okaaaay?” He asked, wondering what the fuss was about. “How does that have anything with our relationship?”

She gasped in shock. Surely, she wasn’t hearing right. “It doesn’t bother you that I am four years older than you?”

“No, it doesn’t.” He replied, matter-of-factly. “And it shouldn’t bother you too.”

She scoffed and stood up. “You don’t understand.”

He stood up and followed her to the living room. She sat on a couch and he stood in front of her. “What exactly is the problem?”

“I am older than you, Lanre!” she yelled. “You and my younger brother are the same age.”

“So, how is that a problem?”

She stood up. “Wait, are you deliberating doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Living in denial! You know it’s awkward that I am the older one in this relationship.”

Lanre held her gaze for some seconds and then erupted into laughter. Fiona stared at him in shock. What was funny?

Here she was, panicking about the situation and he was guffawing like a hyena. When Lanre noticed the look of displeasure on her face, he stopped laughing immediately and apologized.

Should age difference matter in a relationship?

“Hey, babe, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh about the situation, seeing as it is very important to you.”

Fiona said nothing, her face deadpan.

Lanre cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s talk about it. Okay?”

She nodded and sat down.

He took his seat beside her and pulled her close. “You are overthinking it. Of course, I knew your age before we started dating.”

“What?” She withdrew from him, stunned. “Lanre, you knew?”

He nodded and pulled her closer. “I know you are mostly worried about what people will think and say, especially our families. That aside, you have no issue being with me, right?”

“Right.” She replied.

“Okay then, we will abscond and marry in another country.”

She was taken aback and her face showed it. “We will what? Lanre? Do you realise what you are saying? What about my parents, my brother, my friends? You want one of the most joyous days of my life to be spent away from them?”

“Okay, okay, Fiona. Relax, I was kidding.” He confessed. “I was just trying to make you understand that their opinions don’t matter. And neither should our age difference. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and that is the ONLY thing that matters.”

She exhaled and said nothing.

“So, it is settled then, you will marry me!”

“What?” She became apprehensive, looking at Lanre who was now on one knee in front of her. “Like now? As in, right now?”

Lanre chuckled and held her shoulders to calm her. “I mean when the time is ripe or won’t you?”

“Oh. Of course.” She sighed and smiled. “Of course, I will, Lanre.”

He kissed her on the forehead and stood up. “Good. Now, I have a chicken lap waiting for me to devour it. Since you are bothered about my age, you won’t be able to eat yours, so I will help you do it.”

Before he could take a step towards the dining, she shot up from the chair and outran him to the dining table, their laughter piercing the quietness that once enveloped the room.

Should age difference matter in a relationship?

**

Three days ago, I was in the office I share with my colleague, Kehinde, ‘the sexiest girl ever’.

I was trying to make sense of what I was writing as I stared at the words on my screen.

“Can you date someone you are older than?” she asked, interrupting my thoughts.

Without missing a beat, I replied, “Of course, I can.”

She chuckled. “Ahn ahn, you didn’t even let me land.”

I shrugged. “Because age only records the number of years you have spent on earth, having sense is a different ball game entirely.”

And that, my friend, is true.

Contrary to popular opinion, age and maturity do not really happen at the same time.

It is expected that as one grows, so should their maturity. But that is not completely true.

If you need more evidence on this, just check social media, you will understand what I mean.

In Africa, Nigeria especially, it is ‘expected’ that the man should lead in everything; age, provision, and other aspects.

It is believed that if the woman is older than the man in the relationship or marriage, she will not be ‘submissive’ or ‘respect her husband’.

Guess what? Times have changed and are still changing.

Gone are the days when you would only find men at the helm of affairs.

Now, there are women changing the norm and making waves unapologetically.

Does that mean they would be disrespectful to their partners? That’s a conversation for another post.

Basically, what I am trying to say is, when it comes to love, the rules are ever-evolving.

Look around you today; there are couples with age differences who are excelling and living their best lives. Watch out for my next blog post, it will give you the scoop about this!

So, why risk losing the perfect person because you are biased about the number of years they have existed on earth?

Is it the years you are in love with or the wonderful person that is bringing love and joy into your life?

Should age difference matter in a relationship?

Over to you, can you date someone you are older than?

Do you think age differences should matter in a relationship?

Spill your thoughts in the comment section.

 

Read Also: 6 Ways To Get Revenge On Your Ex For Hurting You

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All Comments

  • Nop,love is most important

    Teecares March 19, 2021 12:04 pm Reply
    • True that, Teecares

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 12:13 pm Reply
    • No. I honestly can’t

      Titilayo March 19, 2021 1:12 pm Reply
    • I think the age gap matters a lot (especially in this society we are).

      And since it’s not a status quo that the person would or should be older than me, I’ll look for the perfect person in my age range.

      Alaba Ademola Emmanuel March 22, 2021 8:02 am Reply
  • Yes I can…Yes I am, Yes I will and I love and respect him

    Adetutu March 19, 2021 12:05 pm Reply
    • One bottle of champagne for you, Adetutu.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 12:10 pm Reply
    • If I knw bfor hand her age,
      I wouldn’t date her if she is older, bettttttt if I forh come later knw say she be ancient of days. I go jst forh dey go

      Jones March 19, 2021 4:51 pm Reply
      • lol @Jones!
        Your way of reasoning is craaaazaaay!
        Thanks for airing your views.

        kemiclassico March 21, 2021 2:59 pm Reply
    • Of course YES if he’s a man of vision and purpose
      Age is just a number and nothing more.

      Victoria March 19, 2021 5:37 pm Reply
  • I don’t think it should as long as both partners are on the same level of maturity. If they are too worried about what people would say, they should probably not go ahead with it.

    I know these things but I’m still squeamish about being in a relationship with someone younger than I am, though.

    Oluwakemi March 19, 2021 12:13 pm Reply
    • I appreciate your sincerity, Kemi.
      Just do you.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 1:04 pm Reply
  • Age is just a number.
    Maturity and age are not the same thing.
    I’ve seen young wise people and old fools too.
    If you find the right one don’t let age snatch them from you.
    My hubby was my classmate!

    The Tory Teller March 19, 2021 12:21 pm Reply
  • Age is just a number
    Love is all that matters really

    Tife March 19, 2021 12:39 pm Reply
  • Take it from me, I am 280 years old, age is mutually exclusive of maturity.
    However, I can still understand why some persons see the need for that age difference. In the end, we can say it is all about preference.
    It is easy to say age is just a number until certain situations present themselves.
    Personally, if you are down with me, I gatchu… age or no age.

    Nomad March 19, 2021 12:54 pm Reply
    • 230, Nomad?
      No be juju be that?
      Anyways, lovely thoughts you penned here.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 1:02 pm Reply
  • I think the first thing we have to do is demystify that unnecessary myth about how age and respect interwine.

    They are seemingly old people that have no sense and they are young people like me that God blessed with sense. So respect has nothing to do with age.

    And if you are always clamouring for respect because you are old, you should check it.

    Selah.

    Opemipo March 19, 2021 1:08 pm Reply
    • Dear Ope, it will take years of unlearning for this narrative to change in our society but we won’t stop talking about it.
      Age and respect in Yoruba culture, for instance, still stands.
      It simply means according respect to those older than you.
      But Age and maturity are not completely the same.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 3:13 pm Reply
  • Interesting topic and I love it.
    I guess with this I can also do it in as much that it makes me happy I will.
    Thanks for this❤

    titilayo March 19, 2021 1:25 pm Reply
    • Do what makes you, Titi.
      Everything good will come to you.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 3:09 pm Reply
  • In my opinion, I can’t. That’s because I feel in a couple of years as a lady especially after childbirth, I might begin to look older than he is and end up looking like his elder sister. I really don’t think I can. This is just my opinion.

    Iyanuoluwa March 19, 2021 1:31 pm Reply
    • Duly noted, Iyanu.
      The most important thing is that you take care of yourself so you can always look younger even after childbirth.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 3:08 pm Reply
    • Hmmmm,aunty wa…I see your point sha…don’t worry you’ll do skincare,
      Mafó rara

      Oluwagbeminiyi March 20, 2021 7:19 am Reply
      • Gbeminiyi, thanks for the skincare option.
        Your hilarious response is well noted.

        kemiclassico March 21, 2021 2:55 pm Reply
  • Like seriously this topic is a sensitive topic ooh, but honestly, I cannot marry a guy that is younger than me, simply because, if I attain a higher position maybe in my place of work or in academics, no matter how the guy loves me, it is a big blow to his ego, he will always feel down, he may not express it but if it is unbearable that marriage will end in divorce.

    Esther March 19, 2021 2:40 pm Reply
    • To each his own.
      Your opinions are duly noted, Esther.
      Thanks for sharing.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 3:07 pm Reply
  • I believe I have the best answer cause I’m older than my current partner, and he’s been up to the task in every way.
    Age is just a mentality, never important when it comes to maturity.
    Age is just a number that should not define life.

    Totesbybecca March 19, 2021 3:20 pm Reply
    • Interesting points you have mentioned, Becca.
      Thank you for airing your views on my blog.

      kemiclassico March 19, 2021 3:24 pm Reply
    • Should age matter? No…
      I have seen a relationship that is otherwise and maturity and love is far away from it…
      I love love why should I be bothered about what people say?
      Why will I have to throw away what have been praying for?….
      I can go for it, that is my opinion

      Omolayo March 19, 2021 4:57 pm Reply
    • Hmmmmh…nice one ma

      Oluwagbeminiyi March 20, 2021 7:20 am Reply
  • I literally laughed out loud reading your acknowledgment. Ese o.

    To the matter at hand, in Nigeria’s cultural context, o ma fe le die, especially if the age difference is significant (like 10 years). But as you said, is the sense in the person’s head that matters… Ki n ma pa’ro, it’s still going to be hard sha.

    Kehinde March 19, 2021 4:05 pm Reply
    • Yes, it’s not gonna be easy, Kehinde.
      It would take years of unlearning, but we will get there.

      kemiclassico March 21, 2021 3:17 pm Reply
  • I used to think it did, but dating 30something year olds in the past has taught me better

    Tobe March 19, 2021 4:16 pm Reply
    • Fantabulous!
      Thank you for sharing, Tobe!

      kemiclassico March 21, 2021 3:11 pm Reply
  • Well,I wouldn’t mind but make the age difference no many sha..like 10years…oti poju noww..hanhan..kilode..

    We should all let love lead sha and we’ll be alright

    Oluwagbeminiyi March 20, 2021 7:22 am Reply
    • Laslas, we will be alright.
      Thanks, Gbeminiyi.

      kemiclassico March 21, 2021 2:54 pm Reply
  • I used to be attracted to older women. It used to turn me on. So, yes, age is not a limitation for me. As W. G. Sebald rightly says, ‘Time measures nothing but itself’. The most important thing is understanding and love between the two love birds.

    Àbúrò Socrates March 20, 2021 9:34 am Reply
    • No wonder you are attracted to me, Aburo Socrates.
      I am ten years older than you are. lol

      kemiclassico March 21, 2021 2:52 pm Reply
  • Someone that has respect for elders like me can’t actually do that… I have tried it, but not working because the way I treated and respected her, she said i won’t be able to handle her.. I can marry someone older than I do if she can trust and respect me for whom I am..

    Oluwapelumi March 21, 2021 10:24 pm Reply
    • Wawu!
      I guess her fears got the better of her, Pelumi.
      Not to worry, true love will find you.

      kemiclassico March 22, 2021 2:59 pm Reply
  • The older the better for me. Sha have money, so that if you die, I will have it

    Gail March 24, 2021 10:18 pm Reply
    • Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
      Gail, this is wild!

      kemiclassico March 25, 2021 10:00 am Reply

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