Three of my readers answer the dicey question: Should Tribal Differences Matter In A Relationship?
In today’s blog post, rather than write my point of view alone, I decided to engage six wonderful friends who submitted their opinions alongside mine.
I will be sharing three responses today and the next three in my subsequent post, so stay tuned and SUBSCRIBE to my blog.
In relationships today, there are a lot of reasons why people wouldn’t date someone they have feelings for.
Should tribal reasons be one of them?
Hear my panel of wise judges.
Very recently, I would have said a plain, very emphatic no. But those people who say we learn every day were not wrong.
I remember when I was going for service; my mum had “the talk” with me.
She warned me to stay away from Igbo or Hausa guys.
I remember laughing and saying that what mattered to me was that my man shares my faith, irrespective of his tribe.
After all, in the family of God, there is neither Jew nor Gentile, Yoruba nor Efik.
That stance is still very much accurate today; it’s just that it has become a little updated.
You see, I have seen a little bit more of the world and I can categorically say that cultures in Nigeria are as numerous as they are diverse.
If we are honest, we’ll admit that little elements of our tribal affiliations have a lot to do with our world views.
If both partners cannot identify and overcome the glitches of their cultural biases, then there will be a big problem.
If they can, great!
I’m saying this because I met some people whose habits and perspective were a no-no for me.
And because I’m someone who would like to vibe with my significant other on all levels, I would say tribal differences could be a huge problem.
So, my answer, in plain terms, is that tribal differences should not matter in a relationship if the partners can connect in spite of and because of their differences.
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I would say no. But, I’m not everyone. Now you would probably think, why should I answer/mention everyone?
Well, that’s because if I were to get married, my wife will be somewhere among that “everyone” right?
There’s a reason why people stick to their tribesmen, ranging from trust to shared ethnic values.
Some would rather stay with the “devil they know”.
All are valid reasons, so I can’t really fault them.
So, it shouldn’t matter but I’m not everybody.
This means, if I meet someone I want and she’s from another tribe, I should approach her and pray she accepts me.
However, if she turns me down based on tribe, I’ll understand.
– Adekunle Ijaiya
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I am one of those people who do not like generalizing, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So, when I am dealing with people, I give you the opportunity to give me a lasting positive impression, irrespective of tribe.
I CANNOT say because I have dealt with one Yoruba person before, so ALL Yoruba persons are the same or all Igbos are rude just because one Igbo person was rude to me. No.
The truth is, every tribe has good and bad people.
In my opinion, just find someone who agrees with your spirit, ideologies, goals, and values, irrespective of the tribe they hail from.
I don’t think tribe should be a limitation when it comes to relationships.
Everyone should be given a chance to prove themselves.
Love can happen to anybody at any time or anywhere and it can be from any tribe.
I’ve seen inter-tribal marriages that are doing well, and intra-tribal marriages that are chaotic, and vice versa.
So, I believe it’s more of who the individual is than where they come from.
Yes, there are cases where you may have a bias because of the general knowledge you have about a tribe but it doesn’t mean there are no good people there.
I don’t think tribe should be an issue and I hope with these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that we are one Nigeria.
– Onyinye Udeh, blogger.
To read some of her works, click HERE.
I remember as an undergraduate, my mum used to be insistent that I must not date an Abeokuta guy. This was me that was just trying to pass my exams and graduate from the University without a scratch.
I was home during one of the holidays and we had a conversation around that topic.
So, I asked her, ‘what did Abeokuta people do to you?’
I was expecting a gory tale that would make me understand her stance, but guess what? It had to do with horrific stories passed down to her from other people.
I took my time to engage with her that day till she was convinced that she was only projecting other people’s fears on me.
That was not the first time that I was hearing such misconceptions about Abeokuta people and honestly, I am not bothered.
Mind you, I am a Yoruba girl from EKITI state, and Abeokuta, Ogun State is a Yoruba state!
When I meet a guy for the first time, the first thing I look out for is ‘sense’, sapio something much?
The next important quality is KINDNESS, then, spiritual values.
Tribe was and still is the least of my problems.
Truth be told, here in Nigeria, tribal differences is a big issue and it has caused a lot of disparity between lovers and friends.
But this is my opinion, tribe is a division created because you were born to parents who hailed from a tribe(s), so it SHOULD NOT MATTER.
Today, my mum is no longer bothered about what tribe I marry from, which I consider a good development.
Let’s connect on Facebook.
What do you think?
Should tribal differences matter in a relationship?
Please, share your thoughts in the comments section.